The Nick Rocks, everybody’s favorite pseudo-dangerous dive bar, will live up to its name by, well, rocking pretty hard on Sept. 18 when Lydia Loveless returns to the Magic City. Loveless and band are touring across the USA in support of their new album, Somewhere Else.
Of the Nick, Loveless remarks, “It’s a swanky place.” Cavelike, even.
Weld attempted to interview Loveless, and, after a vicious game of phone tag, the hunt ended when the article writer wrestled and snagged the artist at the edge of a cliff, somewhere near Denton, Texas.
Well Verlaine Shot Rimbaud ‘cause he loved him so
Honey, that’s how I love you
Well Verlaine shot Rimbaud ‘cause he loved him so
Honey, that’s how I wanna go
– “Verlaine Shot Rimbaud”
Weld: Well, Verlaine shot Rimbaud. Who would Lydia Loveless shoot?
Lydia Loveless: Are you asking who I would shoot? Uhhh, I don’t know. Umm. I don’t really wanna shoot anyone, I guess. But, uh, [Laughs] I guess I would shoot Kanye West.
Weld: Kanye West.
Weld: Oh my god. Why?
LL: I just think he needs to be stopped. [Laughs] Is that cruel? Not that I actually want to do that. I just think he’s really terrible. Like, he’s really obnoxious…and he’s procreating, too.
Weld: Oh yeah, that is terrible. Having babies – it’s just not for everybody.
LL: Yeah, pretty much.
Weld: Who would you not shoot? What are you reading/watching/listening to lately?
LL: When I’m on the road, it’s kind of hard to do anything other than shoot dart guns at my band. I’ve been reading some Jane Austen stuff. But really I’ve reading lots about spirit animals and, sadly, I’ve been watching lots of Fellini. That sort of thing. My favorite album this year would be the Angel Olsen record [Burn Your Fire For No Witness]. Also the Phantogram record [Voices].
Weld: Do you know what your spirit animal is?
LL: The brown bear.
Weld: What do you share with the brown bear?
LL: Well, it’s kind of based on your birthday. A lot of it is common personality traits, me needing a lot of alone time to recharge. I’m a bit of a loner. I feel like the brown bear sounds like me.
Weld: Do you hibernate when you’re alone?
LL: Yeah, when I can.
Weld: Do you also like honey?
LL: I do like honey. [Laughs]
Weld: How long of a show are you guys playing on the tour?
LL: We generally play like an hour-and-a-half. We’ll do pretty much the whole new album and then some other stuff.
LL: Yeah, sometimes. We kinda change that up every night.
Weld: How many songs are in the live arsenal?
LL: Forty or 45. We’re working on new stuff, too. I don’t say that a lot because of the Internet. And we’re not playing them either.
Weld: Have you just been writing new songs or are you already recording?
LL: Just writing right now.
With that, the artist informed me that it was time for her 3 p.m. snack of salmon and honey, so I graciously unhinged the brown bear trap. She instantly disappeared into the atmosphere or something, and that left me wondering if the interview ever happened at all.
But somehow, I was different. Like the brown bear, I was now infused with greater strength and a higher level of self-confidence. I felt the need to enjoy my share of peace and solitude. I closed my eyes and could feel the healing power of the brown bear rushing through my insides.
When I focused, I could almost hear the beast growl-singing a lyric from her hit song,and I knew it was real. Ursus arctos shall return, and if you want to experience the magic just like me, you will quite simply “Be Bear or Be Square.”
Lydia Loveless will perform at The Nick on Thursday, Sept. 18. Mandi Rae and Gigi Scott and Trouble Town will open. Showtime will be at 9 p.m., and tickets are $8 in advance and $10 at the door. For more information, visit thenickrocks.com.
 We’re dealing with a violent woman here.
 Lydia Loveless was born on September 4, 1990. She is a virgo.