Will it be Mitt “Cheesy Grits” Romney, Newt “Moonshot” Gingrich, or, uh, Santorum? Will Kathy Peterson be able to beat the EPA to replace Twinkle Cavanaugh as PSC president? Will Beason beat Bachus? Will Roy Moore ascend again into Alabama’s highest court?
These are questions with no answers—at least not good ones. But tonight, we’re here to help answer them, and — good God – try to discern meaning from the results.
We’ll also be covering some down-ballot races — here’s a primer on those.
Tonight, after you’ve gone to the polls pulled the appropriate levers for the appropriate candidates, sit down, grab a beer, a glass of wine, a left-handed cigarette, a strong, strong cocktail or perhaps an Igloo cooler full of Yellowhammers, Gallettes-style, and join Weld for an informative, fun and irreverent romp through the once-forgotten Alabama primaries.
Starting at around 6:30 p.m., you can expect to find the following contributors here, on this page, “analyzing” the results of the Alabama primaries:
Political junkie Matt Hooper — Hooper knows more about most U.S. presidents than you know about your own children. In 2009, he drove to Washington D.C. and nearly died of hypothermia just so he could experience a presidential inauguration with millions of other people. In another life, Hooper was a sports columnist for a local weekly paper, but he now has a respectable job.
The seal/logo for King Cockfight's Weld blog, Reran Tragedy
Cal Alabaster, Jr., author of King Cockfight/Reran Tragedy — Otherwise known as King Cockfight, Cal Alabaster, Jr., has spent the last decade building a machine that takes the energy created during bouts of full-throated, wet-cheeked, runny-nosed sobbing about the sad state of Alabama politics and converts that energy into satirical, sometimes bitter blog posts about Alabama’s politics. Here’s a good example.
Second Front blogger/reporter Kyle Whitmire — Kyle is expected to be on the scene at the woefully-understaffed Jefferson County Courthouse getting the quickest returns and watching for any polling calamities brought brought on by the lack of manpower at JeffCo.
Second Front blogger/reporter Madison Underwood — Madison is a political reporter for Second Front/Weld.
And perhaps other guests.
So get ready. Because America is coming to Alabama.
