Many things can happen during the legislative session—sometimes even legislating!
To avoid voters missing out on stories about their legislators that they might have missed, Reran Tragedy provides the following handy digest of this week’s legislative “activity.”
-As expected, the House passed a General Fund budget that could actually kill people by getting rid of state funding that helps the impoverished ill and disabled and would let some deadbeat parents get away without supporting their kids by defunding the mechanism through which the state collects some child support.
But don’t y’all dare say a word about that! Rep. Greg Wren, R-Montgomery, said last week that he gonna be what real mad at y’all if y’all up and tell folks that they are about to lose care that keeps them “alive” and such:
“If this agency goes forward and puts out any haunting emails about potential cuts to programs that could affect the lives of individuals, I will be personally offended, and I will look forward to talking with whoever is in control of Medicaid.”
Gov. Robert Bentley, who is a physician, called the proposed cuts “irresponsible,” but he also has already said he would not support any tax increases or other means of raising revenues.
So, you can’t talk about how people could die because of these Medicaid cuts.
And if you went and threw money at Bentley right now, he would let it hit him in the gut and say that he hopes the Legislature figures out how to make it money the state already has because he cannot do anything with money that’s new and such.
In short, here is what the future looks like for those on the state’s social services:
Well, this is accurate except for the fact that the kitty will have a quick, comparatively painless death compared to the more chronically ill that are reliant on Medicaid to get the treatment they need.
-While Alabama is not good of taking care of its own, it is good at talking about how to law-hate Mexicans, and the Legislature had that in droves on Wednesday.
In the morning, there was a hearing on the Business Council of Alabama-endorsed push to stop making corporations worry so much about coming to Alabama by pulling down the levels of legally carried out racism. They heard from pissed-off white people upset that the state might take away their brown people hating license. In the afternoon, brown people and those who like them called for the bill to be completely repealed.
Look, there’s nothing really funny here, so can we just acknowledge this is all going to end badly and move on?
-The Senate Judiciary Committee for some reason approved a bill would create covenant marriage, which would allegedly lower divorce rates by creating a completely voluntary option that makes it slightly harder to get into a marriage and much harder to get out. Oh, and by adding the word “covenant” before “marriage.”
After the committee hearing, a reporter asked the bill’s sponsor, Sen. Phil Williams, R-Rainbow City, about the irony of he and his colleagues—who likely crow about “not devaluing traditional marriage” by allowing gay marriage—attempting to conceptually devalue the traditional form of marriage in Alabama by creating a separate, super category of marriage.
Williams responded that he did not understand what farts that smell like metal had to with the issue and he resented the reporter associating that sort of stuff with the holy union between one man and one woman.
-Sen. Shadrack McGill, R-Woodville, continues his campaign of ticking off his constituents and telling them what they want is not smart, this time by refusing to bring up local bills, including one that would allow the sale of draft beer in Fort Payne.
On the beer issue, McGill told the Times-Journal of DeKalb County he wants a referendum: “I want the people of Fort Payne to decide if they want draft beer sales or not, not the politicians or biased media.”
I completely forgot that the media has a vote in the Senate!
Though I could see how media people who have had to deal with McGill and his predecessor, Lowell Barron, might be biased toward greater availability of alcohol.
-The Senate passed and Bentley quickly signed a bill aimed at saving a settlement with contract holders from the flailing PACT prepaid college tuition plan from being torpedoed by the state Supreme Court. Legal experts said that they are unsure if the effort will be successful, as if the state Supreme Court smells the smallest hint of something contrary to the interests of their corporate masters on something, they have been trained to viciously maul it to death.
-The Senate approved an entirely too reasonable sounding plan to reduce state employee pension benefits to save cash. Therefore, the House is expected to add a measure that will require state employees to work until 95 to receive retirement benefits and only if they work their last two years covered in grape jelly and renouncing Islam at least seven times a day to meet voters’ expectations.
-The House passed a bill changing the the measure for the length of the school year from 180 days to 1,080 hours per year. Local schools officials said they were finally happy they had the flexibility and legal tools they needed “to get rid of Jewish Christmas as a concept.”
-Nothing improved in any way whatsoever.
Reran Tragedy is Weld’s satirical blog about politics and life in Alabama and the South. Much of what you will read here is fictionalized, except for all the parts that are unfortunately true because they are about politics and life in Alabama and the South. You can like this blog on Facebook.
The artist known as Cal Alabaster Jr., if that is his or her real name, may or may not also be the author of the Alabama humor blog called “King Cockfight.” If true, you may read Cal’s work there atkingcockfight.wordpress.com. You can also follow Cal on Twitter@KingCockfight or email Cal at email@example.com.