By their nature, state legislators are a rather reactive sort, especially to things that have been in the news.
Bunch of people steal some feller’s copper wire and manholes? We’ll make a law for that to make sure that anybody who steals a manhole is charged with a felony.
An ape/bigfoot/bear spotted in Hale County? We’ll give that ape/bigfoot/bear a special income tax deduction so that he can start a small business in Moundville. Using tax money. That he will get later. Something.
Somebody’s former Alabama gubernatorial candidate husband impregnate a bunch of New Zealander lesbians without his wife’s knowledge or approval and without heeding regulations of sperm donation in order to quench his unusual desire to spread his seed?
Well, it appears we may have a law for that too.
I can’t say affirmatively that this bill that Sen. Vivian Figures, D-Huntsville, introduced in the State Senate last week is a response to former Birmingham City Council member and GOP gubernatorial candidate Bill Johnson’s sterling contribution to the ranks of Alabama’s weirdest political scandals.
But it is hard not to read the bill and get that impression:
Written consent by the wife of a married man is required for the donation of sperm by the man for assisted reproduction of a woman who is not his wife. The written consent required by this subsection shall be obtained by the assisting licensed physician before donation.
To refresh readers’ memories, Johnson shopped his sperm online to Kiwi gay women struggling to get pregnant. Johnson confessed to having done so late last year when a New Zealand newspaper contacted him after some of the women became uneasy with Johnson’s tactics. He also noted he had not planned on telling his wife, a former beauty pageant contestant, until she relocated to New Zealand, where he had been helping out with earthquake relief.¹
Though introduced by a Democratic senator, the bill’s list of sponsors shows some pretty strong bipartisan support, including noted Republican reproductive experts Sen. Shadrack “Y’all ain’t educated unless you’re thinking about abortion more” McGill, R-Woodville, and Sen. Clay “We’re not going to make you look at the zygote but if you look at it maybe you won’t get sad years after you abort it” Scofield, R-Guntersville.
And if you were wondering, no, the bill doesn’t leave out the ladies:
Written consent by the husband of a married woman is required for the donation of eggs by the woman for assisted reproduction by another woman.
¹Completely unrelated exotic Bill Johnson facts shared for personal amusement: Bill Johnson is a guy who dropped out of college to go help the Mujahideen in Afghanistan fight Communism, once ran on a pro-prostitution and pro-marijuana Senate platform in Missouri and offered to take a lie detector test to prove Gov. Bob Riley had some intermingling with Mississippi gambling interests as part of a gubernatorial campaign that seemed to be spurred by Johnson being forced out from a job in Riley’s administration. In short, Bill Johnson is the best political candidate to ever run in Alabama, and I sincerely hope he considers seeking a Public Service Commission seat in 2014.
Reran Tragedy is Weld’s satirical blog about politics and life in Alabama and the South. You can like this blog on Facebook here. The artist known as Cal Alabaster Jr., if that is his or her real name, may or may not also be the author of the Alabama humor blog called “King Cockfight.” If true, you may read Cal’s work there at kingcockfight.wordpress.com. You can also follow Cal on Twitter @KingCockfight or email Cal at email@example.com.